As parents, we want to give our children every advantage.
We look for the best schools. We help them find the right friends, sign them up for sports, nurture their interests, and guide them toward opportunities that will help them succeed.
We do it because we love them. We want them to build confidence, discover their talents, and become the best versions of themselves.
But lately, I’ve been thinking about something we might be overlooking.
Are we teaching our children how to succeed or how to add value?
As a father of three daughters, I want my children to explore different interests and develop a variety of skills. But I’ve realized that sometimes, the most important lesson isn’t about learning something new. It’s about recognizing the value they already bring to the table.
Take soccer, for example.
My daughters have developed strong skills as goalkeepers. It’s a demanding position that requires focus, resilience, and the courage to take responsibility when the pressure is on.
Think about it: a goalkeeper can make several critical saves and help their team win, yet one mistake can suddenly become the moment everyone remembers.
That takes a different kind of strength.
And it taught me something about parenting.
We can spend so much time trying to develop every possible skill in our children that we overlook the strengths they’re already demonstrating. Sometimes, helping them build on those strengths can create opportunities we never anticipated.
The goal isn’t just to help our children find a place where they can succeed. It’s to teach them how to make that place better because they’re there.
That lesson extends far beyond sports.
How does your child contribute at home? How do they treat their classmates? What do they bring to their friendships? How do they make a difference in the classroom?
And when they leave a room, a team, or a relationship, are the people around them better for having known them?
Adding value isn’t about being the best at everything. It’s about understanding your strengths, using them intentionally, and recognizing that you have something meaningful to contribute.
As parents, we also have to be careful not to let our ambitions become limitations. We may think we’re preparing our children for success when we’re actually overlooking the gifts that could open doors we haven’t even imagined.
Our responsibility isn’t to map out every step of their future.
It’s to help them recognize their potential, develop their strengths, and become confident enough to use those gifts wherever life takes them.
Because we don’t want to close doors for our children. We want to help them become ready to walk through the doors that open.
Give Your Children More Than Opportunities
I believe strong family relationships play an important role in helping children develop confidence, identity, and a healthy sense of belonging.
That’s part of why I wrote Oh Brother, My Brother, my children’s book about family bonding and healing, particularly in blended families and single-parent households.
The book includes thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter to encourage meaningful conversations between children and their parents—because sometimes, understanding a child begins with asking a better question and listening to the answer.
If you want to help your children build stronger connections and better understand one another, I invite you to pick up a copy of Oh Brother, My Brother.
And here’s my challenge to every parent reading this:
Don’t just ask what your child wants to become. Ask where they can add value right now.
At home. At school. On the field. In their friendships.
Help them discover their strengths, practice using them, and leave every space a little better than they found it.
You never know which small contribution will open the door to their next great opportunity.
