We live in a world where shameless behavior can be rewarded.
Likes. Followers. Sponsorships. Deals. Attention. Admiration.
Sometimes the louder, more arrogant, or more disrespectful someone becomes, the more attention they receive.
But I’ve been thinking about what might be underneath all of that.
Shame.
There’s a difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt says, “I did something wrong.”
Shame says, “Something is wrong with me.”
That distinction matters.
Shame can make a person feel unworthy, undeserving, imperfect, unintelligent, or like an imposter. And sometimes the behaviors we see on the outside - ego, arrogance, defensiveness, even what appears to be a complete lack of concern - can become a way of protecting what someone feels on the inside.
And where does some of that shame begin?
For many people, it can begin in childhood.
A lack of love.
A lack of affection.
A lack of attention.
A lack of food, security, safety, or joy.
Those experiences can leave wounds that follow us into adulthood.
That doesn’t excuse harmful behavior.
Accountability still matters.
We have to hold ourselves accountable, and we need people around us who are willing to hold us accountable, too.
But accountability and compassion can exist in the same room.
That’s part of what I think about as a father, an advocate for mental and behavioral health, and an author.
How do we help children develop a healthy sense of self before shame becomes part of their identity?
How do we give children the love, connection, encouragement, and positive reinforcement that can help them grow into adults who don’t have to build walls around their pain?
That’s a big part of why I wrote Oh Brother, My Brother.
The book is about positive family bonding and healing, particularly for children in single-parent households and blended families. My goal was to address some of these issues early to help create stronger bonds between parents, caregivers, and children before childhood wounds have the opportunity to become lifelong burdens.
We can’t control everything our children will encounter.
But we can influence the environment we create around them.
We can listen.
We can affirm them.
We can love them.
We can hold them accountable without making them feel unworthy of love.
And we can teach them that making a mistake doesn’t make them a bad person.
Maybe changing our communities starts there not with judging people for what we see on the surface, but by becoming more intentional about how we help people heal underneath it.
Support your community. Support families. Support positive childhood experiences.
And if you’re a parent, caregiver, educator, or someone who believes in stronger families, I invite you to pick up my latest book, Oh Brother, My Brother.
Because sometimes the best time to address the wounds of tomorrow is while they’re still forming today.
Learn more and get your copy at brandondcampbell.com.
